Monday, January 28, 2013

sleepy season

no, I haven't taken down my Christmas tree. but the new kitten doesn't seem to mind.
I was sick for quite some time, but I'm getting better.
winter has been rearing its beautiful/ugly head.
I bought a new DSLR.
expect selfies.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

be still

tonight a storm hit the city. I think I have a misguided idea of beauty.

Monday, January 21, 2013

on silence and clarity

I am learning to sing in harmony from spirit to soul to body. have you ever sought the face of God? I know not for what I ask, for this vessel cannot contain such glory. I was created to raise my voice. I've been so achingly silent and all those words like bricks have been missing from this fortress. My purpose is to reflect what the sun shone first. I'm learning that love is something constructive, learning to find the light and lean into it. To build things that'll still be standing when push comes shove; to abandon all thought but that I am made to love, for I am loved.

Friday, January 18, 2013

broken camera

new friends have moved in.

my camera is broken.

It sort of hurts my heart to not be taking my 52 weeks photos

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

helium/precious creatures

January so far.

being brave is not easy. but taking these photos is helping.

 Taken by Zach

 Lexi has one blue eye and one brown eye.

Scotty got a bath and hated it. 

the living room

I like that we sing together and I like how much iced tea we drink and that we make pasta in the middle of a birthday party and 
it is photos like these that make me happy. 

Tuesday, January 1, 2013



This was the first time I wasn't dreading the new year. But January got messy, hearts got involved. I started learning things about myself and I didn't like what I found. On January 25th, Suntka came back.


February took a turn for the worse. There was so much expected from me. I loved unhealthily. This month was riddled with anger and confusion but God still spoke through it.  I started running away. I learned to appreciate my family in a way that had never occurred to me.


In March, I turned 19. I stopped looking in mirrors. Work pulled me under. I let someone else hold me up for a while. I learnt so much about honour but I did not yet know how to put that into practice. in my dreams, I became too heavy to fly. My mind was hazy.


I started running in the mornings and it kept me sane. I learned how to lie without speaking. I started to regret my silence. Love's fingers are not cages, but his were. I was not proud of myself.


The church that I made my home is what held me together. May was suffocating. God held the answer but it was the question that bothered me. I was gaining knowledge but lacking love. I was hoping he would leave first but still, he sent me reeling. I was grateful to see Spring's face.  


somewhere down the line, my co-workers became like a family. I let everything hit too close to home. as summer grew closer, I woke up. I stopped running away and started relearning what home really means. for the first time, I started realizing just how much other human beings meant to me. Christine told me she wasn't coming back after summer. I started spending a lot of time downtown. I told somebody “no” for the first time. June still held a lot of beauty.  


July was a mess of saying yes to life and exploring the city and meeting everyone I came across. I was brave. The haze finally lifted. I met the group of people who would end up changing my life, though I did not know it yet.


August 1st was the last day I had internet at my apartment. It was a necessary, beautiful change. I went to festivals and concerts and read books and met crowds of new people. I started to question what it is to be fearfully and wonderfully made. I listened to a lot of spoken word.  


September was a train wreck from the start. I saw no way out. but God picked me up off the floor. Our neighbour-friends moved in next door. I had to say goodbye to some incredible human beings. I told someone my life story for the first time and it ignited something in me. We started a Life Group. I started believing that it just might be okay to let other people in.  


I watched myself change during October. I felt God burning in my chest. we invited another roommate to join our apartment family. at work, we got the news that a huge part of our jobs was being shut down. I started saying sorry. I began to understand the word 'community'. Church moved beyond just four walls. 


My friends became a second family. Home was wherever we could all be together. I started fighting the perfectionism that consumed me. I learned about love languages and treading carefully. Brittany officially moved in. I did not live up to my own expectations. some old habits die hard.  


December has been nonstop. I took the Myers-Briggs personality quiz and learned a lot about myself. I visited family, at long last. I cried for other people's sake. I didn't walk away when I should have. I let fear win too often. I have been trying to live more transparently. I am on a journey.

I regret how little I've photographed this year. 
in 2013, I will start and finish a 52 weeks project.

I'm going to learn to be brave.